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"I am invisble, understand, simply because people refuse to see me."
~Ralph Ellison

This is how I feel most of the time, especially at work

Sick of Love

I'm tired of feeling insecure
tired of feeling alone
i don't want to ask "what are you thinking" any more
i refuse to wonder where you are
or why you can't pick up the phone
5/5/99 copyright Camille
As you can tell I was pissed off at some guy. The poem isn't that good, but I just wrote down how I was feeling at that time.


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Hooche Momma

It is burning my eyes
and infecting my mind
you're standing there making me prejudice
for i'm pre- judging you
but what should i think?
standing there half naked
"your" blond hair pinned and curled
nails longer than a little bit
while sucking on a charms blow pop
shouldn't you be at school?
how did you con your way into the club?
don't you realize you don't have to
grind with every guy,
to feel love?
5/7/99 copyright Camille
Sometimes I just get to fed up and angry when I see young girls dressed, rather NOT dressed... these young girls, walking around like they are grown. Then these men, rather males, see all the flesh and take advantage of these girls, who usualy confuse the attention with love. Man, that crap really bothers me!!

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Dance like a white girl

An outsider, who looks like everyone else. On the outside. Standing in. Just there, but not there. Physcially taking up space doesn't mean anything (worth anything). Unless your mind is there as well. Even though I am black. My peers have caused me (or made me sef-conscience) and I feel less than black... dance like a white girl
6/19/99 copyright Camille
This isn't really a poem. Just something I wrote.

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"The world is no longer a romantic place, some of its people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win Ally McBeal"
~Jonh Cage, Ally McB

I am extremelt cynical. The world has won... the game was over a long time ago.

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Damn telephone...call me!

Why won't you ring? Is it the phone? Could it be my phone has aquired human intelligence and a sick sense of humor? Perhaps people are calling my house but my phone refuses to ring, and the indivduals calling assume I'm not home. NO NO. Of course not. Camille, why are you thinkng so abstractly? And you don't even use drugs. This fuckin' love shit... got me going crazy.
6/26/99 copyright Camille
I think this speaks for itself. Man... I was really buggin'.

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Simulating sex on the dance floor

Simulating sex on the dance floor
moving my pelvis in and out
feeling his groin move around
now we're in sync
groovin' to the beat
i turn around
as the song ends
he's gone
7/3/99 copyright Camille
I was at this under-age club, and the kids were (well almost) having sex on the dance floor. I mean, they were laying down, moving around... man I was totally shocked. But I guess they were only having fun.



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Love

Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is no easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always preseveres.
Love never fail.
And now these three remain:
faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these
is love.

I Corinthians 13: 4 - 8 & 13
I must admit, I am one of those people who believes "romantic love" is a farse and doesn't exist, but the idea of it always gives us hope. This love here, is perfect love... something I doubt many of us will ever experience. But many people will say, this kind of love we will only recieve from God. Just don't lose the faith.



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untitled

I woke up with a ringing in my head,
I just knew my soul was dead.
Shouldn't had all those drinks,
Shouldn't have particpated in all the high jinx.
How did I allow myself to be used?
To sit and watch, while I'm being abused.
My self loathing & misery has to end,
for to hell... I know my sould will ascend.


I was on the web one day, and this little poem popped in my head. I wrote it in a couple seconds. Oh well...



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Mr. Charlie

Do you think you're better than me,
sitting there with your dark blue suit?
Do you think you know more than me,
Mr. Harvard Law School graduate?
Do you think you're richer than me
drinking your cafe-lait? smoking your KOOLS?
Do you know how it feels to be poor,
laughing with your grandfather in your cabin in Vermont?
Have you ever been followed around in a store,
while you were shopping on 5th Avenue?
Have you ever visited your brother in jail,
sipping on a twenty dollar glass of wine?
Do you know how to forgive the people who killed your great grandmother,
Do you Mr. Charlie?

1998 Camille

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I think i's gotta love myself...

I've been searchin' fo' love
'bout two years,
I ain't get much done
but some heartache and tears.
I've been lookin' in bars, clubs and on subway trains,
i's startin' to think my search is in vain.
I haven't found that guy
to satisfy all my needs
Who has money, power, respect
and often says please.
I think I'll give up my search
and go home to my bed
I think i's gotta love myself,
be fo' I end up dead.
1998 Camille

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And I Can't Sleep At Night

My father's never home
My mom has two jobs
My sister has two kids
My brother's on crack
and i can't sleep at night

My father's tries to do all he can
My mom has unconditional love
My sister is struggling and surviving
My brother stole my television
and i can't do my homework

My father is strong and proud
My mom is trying to change the world
My sister has a new family
My brother went into the hospital
and i can't get my serves over in volleyball

My father packed his bags and left
My mom is taking her anger out on me
My sister moved down south
My brother lives in a car
and i don't want to live any longer
1996 Camille


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It be Jamal, Kevin and Me

On the corner
hanging out until 3
it be Jamal, Kevin and me.
We yell, smoke and let time go bye,
We spend most our days getting high.
I don't got no job, but Jamal he wash cars,
he always talkin' weird shit, like going to mars.
Don't get us wrong
we have hopes and dreams,
like getting a house and job--livin' wit out need.
But in the mean time
we spend our days... just gettin' high,
1998 Camille

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"Is it a waste, if we are enjoying it?"
~movie, Honky
I heard this in a movie. Some kid asked this to his mother, when she said something was a waste of time. Think about it... is spending hours on the computer a waste of time, if I'm enjoying it? Not doing anything all day, is that a waste of time if I'm relaxing? I hope not

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I HATE BEING POOR.